I can help you understand some of the baffling emotions you may have been experiencing.

What is covert emotional abuse?

It does not leave any visible bruises or scars. Often it is a confusing, hidden and shameful experience. It can happen to anyone.

Covert abusers will often target intelligent, caring, warm-hearted individuals who try hard to make relationships work.

Victims can have great careers, plenty of friends and a solid income.  

These may also the people less likely to admit what has happened to them as the shock, confusion and shame is too overwhelming.  “How could this happen to me?”

In the latest Crime Survey in the UK, 83% of partner abuse was not reported to the police. Most people who experience covert abuse do not know what they experiencing, many think the problems they are experiencing are their fault.

The effects of covert abuse (such as Gaslighting) are often profoundly destructive and can devastate the sense of self, our physical well-being and often result in depression and post-traumatic stress symptoms.    

Emotional abuse can happen in friendships, romantic relationships, within families, in the workplace and in religious or spiritual communities.

  • If you feel isolated, confused, drained, joyless, controlled, disparaged, powerless, punished, ridiculed and criticised you may be experiencing emotional abuse.
  • If cruel, barbed comments are wrapped up in ‘jokes’ and you are humiliated publicly you may be experiencing emotional abuse.
  • If you are always referred to with insulting ‘pet names’ that make you uncomfortable, it is likely you are experiencing emotional abuse.
  • If you are unable to express your true feelings or have to constantly change your behaviour to please someone it is likely you are experiencing emotional abuse.
  • If you are exhausted, confused and miserable trying to make someone happy, who, no matter what you do, is never happy or there are only brief glimpses of kindness before the emotional pain or isolation returns, it is likely you are experiencing emotional abuse.

For the most part, the nature of emotional abuse is misunderstood by society, with many (including victims) not really understanding exactly what it is and what is happening to them.

The biggest problem many survivors face is being believed or taken seriously. We often think that everyone argues, worries about their relationships or has problems in life,…right?

It is very common for survivors to have been carefully ‘drip fed’ abuse over many years.

Often victims think that the draining, painful relationship they are experiencing is their fault, that, in fact ‘everything’ is their fault. If only they could just try a little harder to change themselves, then everything would be ok….and the painful cycle continues.

For many, the first, and challenging step, is to acknowledge that something is wrong. 

Often the word ‘abuse’ is too shameful to admit, or is something that only happens to ‘other people’.

It is a common misconception that ‘weak’ people are targeted for abuse.

It is often the reverse, and nothing to do with weakness of character, lack of intelligence or spirit.

About Me

My way of working is psychodynamic in nature and I work with emotions, thoughts and sensations. This helps us find a deeper understanding of ourselves, including the aspects or hidden parts that we are not always conscious of.

As a survivor of CPTSD and narcissistic emotional abuse, I understand how important it is to feel safe. From safety, we can move on to find peace. I hope to guide all my clients to find new ways to move on with the physical and emotional release.

I Can Help

If this is your story and you would like to get in touch to discuss your needs or to understand more about emotional abuse, please get in touch for a free 30-minute consultation

2 + 6 =

I felt sceptical that I would achieve my aim of feeling more positive about the difficulties I had encountered. However after just one session, I started to feel better, and by the penultimate session, I felt like I had completely resolved my issue.

This marked the start of a ripple effect, with other aspects of my life starting to move forward in a more positive way. So the benefits have not just been about resolving the trauma and negativity it has also led me to enjoy the positive impact on my life and work in the present and feeling ready to move towards to a more positive future.”

“I’ve been working with Kate for 18 months now, and can safely say that I’m more ‘me’ than I’ve ever been. To want to stay in my body and not fly away. Feeling myself as a safe place, for myself and others? Unbelievable to me a year ago. 

I feel I’ve run rings around CBT therapists in the past (and not consciously either) because I can all-too-easily use words to distract & deflect, to fill time, to keep my security bubble intact. I can see that now that these are skills I’ve learnt to protect myself. I’ve a narcissistic parent so running rings became… important. Honestly, I wouldn’t have known a boundary in a police line-up of boundaries.

With Kate, I can heal and engage without the ‘what, why, how, where’ of my whole life (a lot of which I just don’t remember), because I can now experience my emotions without the narrative, and experiencing my emotions in a safe environment is the healing.

As is being able to take my emotional self out into the world and know I (and others) will survive. And then more than survive…”

I went to see Kate to get some help to understand why I was experiencing some unhelpful and negative feelings and to explore a particularly difficult part of my past that has been haunting me for some years.

This was not an easy thing to do but Kate helped me to feel immediately at ease and I was really pleased with how quickly we started to address some of these issues.   She creates a safe and non-judgemental environment and gently asks the right questions so that I was able to unpick and better understand why I was feeling the things I was and to understand them in a different way.!