How attentive presence, ongoing consent and being able to find another person’s face can make closeness feel different.
Sometimes, simply being witnessed without judgement is an enormous experience.
In my work, I have seen how significant it can be for someone to feel genuinely seen and held in the moment, with no demand to explain themselves or produce a particular response. Receiving that attention can also feel exposing.
This is part of the intimacy of supported TRE® practice. Someone is present while your body moves in ways you may not consciously direct. The quality of their attention matters.
When being closely observed feels vulnerable
When a client shakes with the support of a wall as part of TRE® practice, they may begin to settle more fully into their bodily experience. At the same time, they become aware that someone is closely observing them.
That can feel profoundly supportive. It can also feel intimidating, particularly if they have little experience of being watched with care.
We keep asking and responding. “Is it okay if I stand here?” “Would you prefer me to kneel?” “Would you like more distance?”
These questions help us build layers of permission and safety, moment by moment. The person can influence how they are being accompanied.
A client may become angry, feel flooded by emotion or become quieter and less connected. Sometimes there may be dissociation—a sense of becoming distant from the experience. Changes invite us to check what is happening.
We stay connected, slow down or pause as needed, and make room for what the person can tell us. Being witnessed includes having discomfort, uncertainty and a wish to stop respected.
Attunement: noticing the person within the movement
Alongside steady, slow, gentle attention, we offer attunement: closely following the person as their experience unfolds.
In training, we ask students to notice subtle changes in a client’s expression, gaze and the way they are holding themselves. How are they responding to the movement in this moment?
Students also notice what is happening within themselves as they observe. Do they feel settled, concerned or drawn to intervene? Attending to their own responses helps them distinguish an observation from an assumption or a wish for something particular to happen.
These impressions guide careful enquiry. The client’s experience remains theirs to discover and describe.
Discovering what feels safe
Sometimes a person cannot yet name how an experience feels. In a teaching example, TRE® founder David Berceli describes watching someone whose pelvis is moving freely while noticing subtle signs of discomfort in their face. The movement alone does not tell him whether the person feels safe.
He describes gently introducing pauses and, with the person’s willingness, returning to the movement. Given time to compare the experiences, they may recognise that they felt more comfortable while resting. They now have something specific they can name.
This is titration: exploring an experience in small, manageable amounts, with opportunities to pause and notice. The discovery can then guide what happens next. Someone is attending closely enough to help you find your own answer, even when you could not identify it at first.
Being able to find our face
As TRE® providers, we remain available to the person we are accompanying. A client may turn their attention inward or close their eyes, but when they want to look towards us, they can find our face.
Our expression, gaze and tone of voice are part of how we offer connection. A person can explore what is happening within them and return to our responsive presence whenever they need it. Our social engagement system is part of our inner guidance about connection. We take in expressions and voices, often before we have consciously considered how we feel with someone. This is a way of understanding connection described in Polyvagal Theory.
In practice, we allow room to discover which forms of contact feel supportive. Being available includes respecting someone’s preference for more space or less eye contact.
What I need to feel safe with a lover
TRE® has helped me recognise how important this availability is in my own sexual intimacy.
I need to be able to see my lover’s face, meet their eyes and feel their gaze. I need to hear the warmth and expression in their voice. Their face needs to be accessible so that I can look towards them and find them there.
This may sound so simple that it hardly needs saying. You might wonder whether we all do this. But people experience intimacy in different ways. Some close their eyes and become absorbed in sensation or their own inner experience.
For me, being able to return to my lover’s face and voice is essential. I am naming a need: I need this connection to feel safe enough to receive. Eye contact does not have to be continuous. What matters is that their face is available when I look for it, and they know this and respond.
Being witnessed without judgement matters here too. I want room to be seen in my pleasure, my uncertainty and the moments when I need something different. Between lovers, this is mutual. We ask each other what is welcome and keep listening as the experience changes. I can name what I need and make room for my lover to do the same.
Experiencing attentive accompaniment and learning to facilitate this while teaching TRE® has helped me understand and communicate these needs. Someone else may find different forms of connection supportive. This is what I have discovered about myself. Being seen with acceptance, while retaining a say in what happens, has become part of what allows me to soften, receive and remain present.
Previous: Learning to receive: what TRE® changed for me.
Next: A clearer no. A more wholehearted yes.
If you are interested in developing these skills professionally, you can explore the TRE® provider training pathway. For personal support, read more about individual sessions in London, Kent and online.
Kate Munden is a Global TRE® Certification Trainer and Mentor and a trauma and embodiment specialist with over 30 years’ experience. She offers individual sessions and teaches TRE® in the UK and internationally.
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